When someone important to you is approaching the end of their life, the time you spend together can become especially precious. You may want to find ways to make that time meaningful, create new memories and enjoy the things that matter most to you both.
Making memories doesn't have to involve doing something special or elaborate. It could be sharing a favourite meal, listening to music, looking through photographs, watching a much-loved film, spending time with a pet or simply sitting together and enjoying each other's company.
There may also be opportunities to talk about memories, hopes, wishes or things that matter to you. These conversations can be important, but they don't have to be the focus of your time together. Sometimes a conversation happens naturally while you are doing something you both enjoy. At other times, being together without talking may feel more comfortable.
The most important thing is to find what feels right for you both.
Making memories in a way that feels right
There is no right or wrong way to make memories together. You might want to think about:
- What do they enjoy?
- Who would they like to spend time with?
- Is there somewhere they would like to visit or something they would like to do?
- Would they prefer something quiet and familiar, or something to celebrate with family and friends?
- What feels manageable and enjoyable for them today?
Interests, energy levels and communication can change from day to day, so try not to put pressure on yourselves to make every moment special. A plan that doesn't happen isn't a missed opportunity. There will be other moments.
Sometimes the most special memories are the simplest ones: laughing together, sharing a favourite song, hearing a familiar story, holding hands or sitting quietly side by side.
Here are some ideas to help you enjoy your time together and create memories that feel meaningful to you.
- Revisit favourite memories
Looking back on happy times can be a lovely way to spend time together. You could look through photographs, watch old home videos, listen to stories or talk about favourite holidays, celebrations, family moments or funny memories.
You might discover that sharing memories brings laughter, comfort or stories you haven't heard before. There is no need to remember everything perfectly – sometimes it is the telling and sharing that matters most.
- Enjoy favourite things together
This might be listening to a favourite album, watching a much-loved film, reading a favourite book, sitting in the garden or following a favourite sports team.
You could make time for an old favourite or introduce something new to enjoy together. Familiar sights, sounds and routines can provide comfort and create moments that you will remember.
- Share food and favourite recipes
Food can connect us to people, places and memories. You could cook or bake a favourite recipe together, have a takeaway from a much-loved restaurant or simply enjoy a cup of tea and a favourite treat.
You might ask about meals they remember from childhood, family recipes or foods associated with special occasions.
If your loved one's eating or drinking has changed, this can be difficult for everyone. Speak to their healthcare team for advice about what is appropriate for them. Even when someone is unable to eat or drink, the smells, sights and memories associated with food can still provide opportunities for connection.
- Create something together
Making something together can create both a special experience and something to keep afterwards.
You could make a memory box, scrapbook, photograph album, playlist, piece of art or handwritten collection of favourite recipes. Children and other family members could contribute too.
It doesn't need to be perfect or finished. The time spent choosing, creating and sharing stories can be just as meaningful as the finished piece.
- Make time for music
Music can bring back memories and help us connect with important times and people in our lives.
Create a playlist together with songs that remind you of each other, favourite holidays, special occasions or different stages of life. You could listen together, sing along, dance if you feel like it, or simply have the music playing in the background.
A particular song may become a lasting reminder of the time you shared together.
The Prince & Princess of Wales Hospice team can support the creation of a Playlist for Life and other creative experiences.
- Include the people, places and pets that matter
Special memories are often about the people and relationships that make us who we are. You could arrange a visit from friends or family, spend time with grandchildren or reconnect with someone they haven't seen for a while.
For many people, pets are also an important part of the family. Spending time with a much-loved pet can bring comfort, familiarity and companionship.
If there is a special place that is meaningful and they are well enough to visit, you might consider making a trip there. This could be somewhere from their childhood, a favourite café, a garden or simply somewhere with a view they enjoy.
At the hospice, we understand how important pets can be to our patients and families, and well-behaved pets are welcome.
- Celebrate together
You don't need to wait for a birthday, anniversary or other special occasion to celebrate.
You could have a family gathering, afternoon tea, favourite meal, garden party, film night or another celebration.
It can be as big or as small as feels right. The focus is on spending time together, sharing laughter and the life you've shared.
- Give the gift of your presence
Sometimes the most meaningful memories are created without doing anything at all.
You could sit together, hold hands, look out of the window, listen to music or simply enjoy being in the same room. There doesn't always need to be conversation or an activity.
Being present can be a powerful way of showing someone that they are loved, valued and not alone.
Don’t feel that you have to fill the time. Sometimes simply being alongside each other is enough.
- Share the things that matter
There may be things you would like to talk about, remember or say to each other. This might include favourite memories, things you have learnt from one another, what you are grateful for or what you love about each other.
There may also be opportunities to talk about wishes, worries or things that feel difficult.
These conversations can be important, but they don't have to happen all at once, and they don't need to be forced. Sometimes they happen naturally while you are looking through photographs, listening to music or sharing a meal.
If you are unsure how to begin or would like support with a difficult conversation, professionals in the hospice are available to listen and offer guidance.
- Make it personal
There is no right way to make memories. What feels special will be different for every person and every family.
Consider what makes them smile, what they enjoy, who they want around them and what feels manageable for them that day.
Plans may change. An activity might not happen. They may be tired or simply not feel like doing something you had planned.
That's okay.
Making memories together
There is no one way to make meaningful memories together.
Some days may be filled with laughter, stories and shared experiences. Other days may be quieter. All of these moments can be valuable.
You may also find that spending time together creates opportunities to talk about things that matter, including wishes for the future or worries about what lies ahead. If you would like support with these conversations, the hospice team are here to listen and help.
The Prince & Princess of Wales Hospice team can also support you to explore creative ways to make memories and celebrate the life you share together.
You don't have to make every moment special. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing is simply having the time to be together.
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